Searching for Tranquility

If you are someone who frequently needs change, like me, I strongly suggest – no, I really must insist – you bring a car to campus.  Change must be a constant in my life. Change in activities, change in scenery, changing atmospheres … It’s all pertinent to my survival.

Otherwise, I feel like I’m being muted. I can’t scream, I can’t go anywhere, I can’t escape from my trap. There are options, of course. You have your friends with cars and weekly activities put on by the Campus Activities Board, but the heart of my adventuring is a like a plot of vegetation. It must be fertilized gently, and allowed space to grow. And as of this moment, it is left untended.

I need to seek new thrills constantly, and find myself craving to escape from the brick walls. Once I can do that, however, I find myself satisfied and welcome the return home to our graceful pillars. My only excuse is that I am a wild spirit. I cannot be contained, I cannot be cut off. And most certainly, I cannot be trapped.

I am probably much more of a wild spirit than most people (in fact, I’m rather sure of it), so please do not let this scenario scare you. CNU is a wonderful home, and an even better place to live because of how much they take care of you and all of the wonderful people who live here. I love coming home to something familiar and calming. I just need to let my free spirit romp around on uncommon ground before I can do that.

And the problem is, I am also an extremely independent being, who likes doing things on her own terms in her own time. I wish I could go to the beach, not to be silly and have fun, but to sit by myself and contemplate the waves. Work on a problem that bothers me. Go to quietly take in the world. But I need to do so alone. And asking for a ride there and back is only a hindrance to my friends. So, being unable to assert my independence makes me feel helpless. Like locking myself into a prism I cannot escape.

And we need to escapes sometimes. We all do. We need to take a random trip to the beach. We need to get out, and do things before we can come back and appreciate the everyday campus.

So my advice: skip the debate. Drive that car straight into our fancy lot, because if you even have the slightest inkling you are like me, I would grab those keys and keep them safe.

And maybe when you get here you can give me a ride.

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